Big 12 Football Preview

My previous blog entries have been serious. Those close to me know I’m not that serious about too many things. I figure it’s time to do something fun. I’m going to preview the upcoming Big 12 (10) Football Season. However, I’m going to ignore stuff like; strength of schedule, who plays Texas and Oklahoma at home, who has the most talent, who had the best recruiting class, or even who has the best coach. Nope, these rankings will be strictly on weather a schools mascot could beat another mascot, in nature, in a fight! I might talk about the football team too.

10. Kansas Jayhawks – From the KU Athletics Website:

“The origin of the Jayhawk is rooted in the historic struggles of Kansas settlers. The term “Jayhawk” was probably coined around 1848. Accounts of its use appeared from Illinois to Texas and in that year, a party of pioneers crossing what is now Nebraska, called themselves “The Jayhawkers of ’49”. The name combines two birds–the blue jay, a noisy, quarrelsome thing known to rob other nests, and the sparrow hawk, a quiet, stealthy hunter. The message here: Don’t turn your back on this bird. “

The Jayhawk is partly based on this sparrow hawk

While the Jayhawks might be stealthy and quarrelsome a bird’s natural defense is their ability to fly and simply flee the situation of danger. During a fight fleeing will result in a forfeit. Incidentally this is where I would pick the Jayhawk Football team to finish in the league this year. Most interesting non-conference game: Sept 17th @ Georgia Tech

Iowa State's mascot causing trouble

9. Iowa State Cyclones – Cyclone is a meteorology term for air circulating around low pressure. It’s too complicated to just say it’s another name for a hurricane. Cyclones can be mesocyclones. This is just a fancy word for a nasty thunderstorm. Mesocyclones do produce tornadoes. Iowa State’s mascot is Cy, a cardinal caught up in a tornado. As I said with the Jayhawks, a bird’s natural defense is to flee a fight. Iowa State gets the nod over Kansas because tornadoes cause a lot of problems. The Cyclone Football team will be better this year. They’ll probably finish mid to lower pack in the league. Most interesting non-conference game: Sept 10th Iowa, in Ames

Longhorn, imposing but harmless

8. Texas Longhorns – Longhorns can be very big and imposing. Longhorns do have horns. This tells me that at some point they do fight. However, the remaining mascots would either eat or own a Longhorn. Bevo: it’s what’s for dinner. For all of their conference wrecking ways the Longhorns finished 5-7 last year. It’s tough to pick where the football Longhorns will finish this year. They could certainly win the league. They will be adjusting to new assistant coaches with the departure of Will Muschamp for Florida. They could also finish 8th. Most interesting non-conference game: Sept 10th Brigham Young, in Austin

Wildcats are some of natures best hunters

7. Kansas State Wildcats – The term wildcat is pretty broad. Literally this could mean anything from your stray house cat in the neighborhood to a mountain lion roaming the prairie or mountains. They are nasty predators and often bring down animal much bigger than them. Wildcats picking off cattle are a problem for ranchers world wide. That’s why they’re ahead of the Longhorns. I would expect the football Wildcats to finish mid pack of the league. A 7th place finish would be disappointing. Most interesting non-conference game: Sept 24th @ Miami

If you see a bear in the wild you're certain to remember it

6. Baylor Bears – Bears are big, strong, fast, and eat a lot. They get the nod over the wildcats based on size and ability to do damage. If you’ve seen a bear in the wild you’re a changed person. They’re impressive, but they’re not predators. Their fighting instincts are for self defense. I think an Aggie, Cowboy, Sooner, or Red Raider could get away from a bear easier than a tiger. 6th is a good place for their football team to finish too. Most interesting non-conference game: Friday (Friday?) Sept 2nd TCU, in Waco.

This cat would like to sit on your lap

5. Missouri Tigers – Technically a wildcat could be a Tiger. But Tigers are the biggest feline on earth. They get the nod over the wildcats based on size, and over the bears for aggressiveness. The football Tigers will probably finish near the top of the league. We’ll see how tough it is to replace Blaine Gabbert. If the Tigers finished below 5th I would be happy. Most interesting non-conference game: Friday (again?) Sept 9th @ Arizona State.

Rick Perry: The most revelant Aggie

4. Texas A&M Aggies – This is the first of the human mascots. Certainly humans have been killed by some of the wildlife in the conference. Overall, humans have been winning that war. In a tactical situation an Aggie will most likely get injured tangling with a bear or tiger, but in most cases would survive. That’s a win. Previously I thought the term Aggie referred to farmers. That is not the case. It simply refers students, alumni, or any stakeholder in a land grant school. The current Aggies are thinking they don’t want to hang out with this crew anymore. I say good luck with that. They’ll have trouble finishing higher in the SEC than they do in the Big 12 (10). They have lost their last 6 meetings with SEC schools, and have not beat an SEC school since 1995. 4th to mid pack is where they’ll finish in this years Big 12(10). Most interesting non-conference game: Oct 1st Arkansas, in College Station. Or is this a conference game?

Oklahoma land rush. 1889

3. Oklahoma Sooners – A Sooner is a person who snuck into the Oklahoma territory before the gun blast to signal that land rushers could run out into the territory and stake their land. Sooners are ranked above the Aggies because I perceive them to be a more salty lot than an Aggie. I’m pretty sure they were armed, but not necessarily fighters. They probably have a lot in common with the Aggies as they became farmers once they settled. The football Sooners should win the new league first, if injuries and the SI Jinx don’t get them. Most interesting non-conference game: Sept 17th @ Florida State

Cattle Drive

2. Oklahoma State Cowboys – I rank the Cowboys over the Sooners for the fact that life as a cowboy was physically tougher. Not that life as a Sooner was as easy as a Saturday afernoon on the couch watching college football. But cowboys had to deal with cattle. During round-up time cowboys had to wrestle livestock to the ground and hold them down long enough to brand them. If they can toss cattle, they could probably toss a Sooner. The football Cowboys can win the league, the Sooners must come to Stillwater this year. Certainly they’ll be near the top. Most interesting non-conference game: Thursday Sept 8th Arizona, in Stillwater

and finally the Number 1 team in the Big 12…….

I'm not sure what this guy does for a living. But it can't be good.

1. Texas Tech Red Raiders – Texas Tech’s official mascot is the “The Masked Rider”. The Masked Rider enters the stadium with guns drawn riding a horse. He’s masked, wears a cape, and already has his gun drawn. If history is any indication he probably has a concealed sword. I’m not sure if a Red Raider is good or evil. One thing is certain, whatever a Red Raider’s profession, it involves a lot of fighting. This leads me to believe the Red Raider could win a fight with any of its conference rivals. The football Red Raiders will be adjusting to a new coaching staff and new system in both sides of the ball. They won’t finish first. I’m betting mid to lower pack. Most interesting non-conference game: Sept 24th Nevada, in Lubbock.

How do you think the mascots would stack up if they met in real life?

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